The Sting of Reality: My beginnings of internship....

Well, I've started my internship along with thousands of others across the US. It's funny being an intern: I'm definitely not a student anymore...I'm a doctor. However, I lack a lot of experience at this point, so I don't feel like a full-fledged doctor. It's kinda like watching a baby giraffe when it's first born. It looks like a giraffe...the law of science given to us by God would prove that it has giraffe DNA. But, it can barely stand up, it's so knock-kneed...it can't feed itself...it can't even think for itself. It can only run around in random circles close to the mother making giraffe noises. That's kinda like me right now. I get to go see patients like a real doctor. I get to wear a long white coat like a doctor, with the stethoscope draped around my neck...with the name tag that reads "Andrew Hodges, MD". However, I don't get to make any big decisions. Like the knock-kneed baby giraffe, I can sense people around me (mostly the seasoned nurses and doctors) saying, "Awwww, isn't he a cute little intern...him's a big tough man with his stethoscope and white coat...how cute is that?...look how proud he is that he just ordered tylenol for his ittle-wittle patient!"

The weird part, however, is that patients don't see me as that. In fact, they believe that I am the one making all the decisions. So, that's how I act. The most tiring part of my past 3 weeks has been listening to patients. I'm on the bone marrow transplant ward, which is a division of hematology/oncology. Basically, all my patients have some form or fashion of bone marrow failure...the most widely publicized being your leukemias and lymphomas. Reality has certainly set in...especially when one of my first patients is a 71y.o. man who found out he had acute myelogenous leukemia two days after retiring. So much for the golden years, I guess. The upside of all this, is that in all honesty, he really will (more than likely) get to live out his golden years, because his "brand" of leukemia is extremely treatable. But, in case you wonder why I'm still bummed about this, there's something that non-medical folk probably don't see...a trend, so to speak. It is exceedingly common to see what we would term as good people having bad diseases...and likewise, people we consider to be bad survive the most horrific diseases, accidents, pathologies, etc. known to man. This gets to many people. There is a book called "House of God" written by Samuel Shem that is written about the internship year, and how closely it aligns to the same fatigue seen in war. He has a list of rules, and one of the rules is that all GOMERS live. To explain, GOMER is an acronym for Get Out of My Emergency Room...these are the people that are so belligerent...so degrading...so violent...so unthankful for the hard work and treatment they are being given, that they would go to such lengths as spitting on the nurses, ripping their IVs out, calling your mother every name in the book...and probably going to the extreme of refusing to be treated by someone of your gender, race, ethnicity, etc. Basically, someone that is wasting the precious time healthcare professionals could be using to treat all the other ER patients who need and want medical attention.

So, I say that to say this. This kind old man is the opposite of a GOMER. He's someone that is so kind, so gentle, so appreciative of what you are doing. Someone that nobody could fault for hurting a fly...and he's handed a diagnosis of leukemia two days after retiring. It makes no sense. It's hard to not get cynical in this situation...many people do become cynical. There is bad news like this all the time: car accidents which involve negligent drivers and innocent children, a patient dying of an easily manageable disease, an elderly lady without any family that has just been handed the diagnosis of inoperable lung cancer...heck, just take a trip down the pediatric hematology/oncology ward, and you'll see that life doesn't seem fair when you are staring into the eyes of a little boy or girl with leukemia....whose biggest concern up until that point was what color backpack she would take to school. How do you expect someone of such innocence to grasp the idea of death when he can't even understand the idea of sharing a toy or why he can't have just cheetos and jelly beans for supper.

I read an interesting take on the sovereignty of God the other day by a man named Walter A. Henrichson, in his book "Thoughts From The Diary Of A Desperate Man".

"When my son was dying of leukemia, a friend wrote 'I don't know how this tragedy came about, but I do know that it did not come from God. God is not in the business of killing little children.' As I pondered his observation, I concluded that if God did not kill my son, then I have a far greater problem than my son dying. I worship a god who is not in control. God was not sitting on the edge of the universe chagrined over the disease that ravaged my son's life. As I held my son in my arms while he slipped into eternity, I knew that I was experiencing the beautiful handiwork of God."

He goes on to explain that this begs the question of God's goodness. God is good...He is incapable of doing anything but good, is in fact what the author says (and, I believe). He makes a great point with this next statement, "The debate, like so many debates in life, is over who gets to determine what good looks like."

So, when you are faced with what this world sees as "unfair" or "undeserving" or whatever...no matter how horrible the situation is...you have to ask yourself if you believe that hurt is allowed to happen at the hands of a good God...one that only has your best interest at heart...one that works ALL things (no matter how seemingly terrible they are) to the good of those that love Him...who are called according to His purpose.

I think that if we can get to this point...the point where no matter what happens to us, we can see the beauty in it because it is the master craftsmanship of the Creator...if we can reach this level, we've taken a huge step toward living the life of a disciple, and bearing His fruit.

The testimony of America's greatest marathoner.

Ryan Hall, 26 yo from Big Bear Lake, CA, is currently the greatest marathoner in America. More than that, he is a follower of Jesus Christ. Here is his story...and one of his pre-Olympic Trial workouts. He went on to not only win the 2008 US Men's Olympic Trials Marathon, but also set the new record for that event. An amazing story from an amazing runner.

Guess which one is not protected?

I saw this on a bumper sticker recently, and I found it to be very interesting. Isn't it interesting that some animals are protected more aggressively and with more passion than unborn children? To me, this is totally backwards. Slowly, but surely, the human race is killing off it's own kind. This is just dark comedy to me, folks. The reason being is this: most people that I've met that are for abortion are people that are not followers of Christ...they don't seek God on even a semi-regular basis...heck, they don't even believe in God. The closest thing they have to a god is evolutionary principles, Darwinian-ism, etc. Basically, they believe, this life is it...or, if this life isn't it, there is some weird afterlife that we have no assurance of what it is or how to "get in". Therefore, naturally, that leads to the argument that we, as humans, are on par with the animals...the cats, the dogs, the eagles, the whales, the cuddly seals, etc.

Here is what's funny. Evolutionary principles mandate the propagation of a species...furthering of your kind. Funny how abortion doesn't fit in to this.

I usually don't like to touch on this issue, because there are so many "what-ifs". But, it's just too backward to be quiet about anymore. Now look, I've seen enough to know that this life isn't black and white. It's a big gray zone. I know people get raped...God forbid that should happen to anyone I know or to whom I am related. It would crush me beyond belief. BUT, is that the fault of the unborn child? Who are we to say "this one stays and this one goes"? Again, how backwards is it to protect animals more than humans?

Many people out there don't want to hear about God, mostly because they don't want to be judged...deemed wrong in the way they live. Not many people I know, including myself, like to be criticized...told that they are dead wrong. I implore those of you out there that don't know God...that don't understand who Christ is and what he came to do to research Him. We live in an era of relative truth...what you believe is truth for you and what I believe is truth for me. This is wrong...the whole essence of truth is that it is solitary...it is self-sufficient...it is singular. I guarantee if anyone out there is brave enough to research and make the decision to follow Christ...to follow his example...and hold him to who he really is...you will not be let down. I'll give you a headstart...a teaser to whet your appetite...he was more (way more) than just a "good teacher" or "one of the great prophets"...way more.

We are not judged by human standards, but by God's. And, he makes Himself pretty clear about whether the killing of the unborn is right or wrong. He retains the only set of standards that are black and white.